High school has many highs and lows, but one of the highlights of this time is by far prom night. It’s a night that is well-spent with fun, laughter, and memories being made every moment. However, prom night would turn into a nightmare for Clare Ettinger when her prom night turned into a nightmare.
Big Plans
Clare Ettinger (17) and James Thompson, her boyfriend, simply couldn’t wait for their “Twilight in Paris” themed prom. It was just around the corner and there was so much to do in preparation, but one thing they didn’t leave until the last moment was getting their tickets to the prom.
Big Plans
Finding The Right Dress
It wasn’t anything new to the young ladies getting excited for the prom that finding the right dress was difficult. Clare had searching far and wide to find her perfect dress, and eventually her hard work paid off and she found it. It was a dress from Macy’s that was glittery and sparkly – a beautiful silver cocktail dress.
Finding The Right Dress
Saving Up
A dress like hers was not cheap and she was no stranger to the idea of saving up money for something that she wanted. While working a number of jobs, Clare collected quite a large amount in tips. These tips would grant her access to her dream dress for the night of her prom.
Saving Up
Passing The Test
Before purchasing the dress, Clare check to make sure that the dress stood the dress-length test her school had implemented. According to the school, all girls’ dresses for the prom had to reach below the fingertips of the girls while standing with their arms by their sides. Clare relaxed when she performed the test herself and realized that the cocktail dress was just long enough to be acceptable. Prom night seemed to be approaching and all the preparations were falling into place.
Passing The Test
Sharing The Excitement
It didn’t take long for her to grab her phone and share her budding excitement about the prom. She posted on her sister’s blog: “I’m all dolled up, channeling my inner Marilyn Monroe with my blonde hair and bright red lipstick.” But there was a sudden, last-minute hiccup when she was readying herself for the prom. Something alarmed her.
Sharing The Excitement
A Hiccup
Despite having tried and tested her dress on a number of occasions before prom night, the final fitting brought about a new air of alarm. When she donned a pair of heels, the dress seemed to fall a little differently to how it had beforehand. But still, the dress passed the test. Clare would just have to be careful when she was moving and walking; standing seemed to be fine.
A Hiccup
No Entry
With all her concerns behind her, Clare arrived at the school prom. Without any delay she found herself in the crosshairs of one of the school’s administrators – Ann Duncan. She said to Clare, “Honey, that dress is too short.” Well aware of the rules, Clare asked Duncan, “What is the rule?”
No Entry
Making Excuses
The teacher was not impressed with the response she received and fired back, “Fingertip length.” Seeing as Clare was taller than most of her friends, she attempted to make her case by claiming that she was “a tall and curvy girl with long legs”. These excuses meant nothing to Duncan – according to her, the dress didn’t conform to the school’s rules.
Making Excuses
Getting In
Clare decided that there was no way she was going to be sent home packing on a night as special as this one. But Clare knew for a fact that her dress was long enough, even if Mrs. Duncan wasn’t impressed. But after all the teacher gave in and allowed Clare to go to the bathroom. There was still some tension in the air, and they both knew it.
Making Her Point
Getting A Warning
But just before Clare got her pass to the ladies’ room, Mrs. Duncan threw a final, “make sure it stays down!” The teacher then went on to insist that she would keep a close eye on the teenager and her sparkly silver dress.
Getting A Warning
A Sigh Of Relief
It felt like it took a century to get to the bathroom, but when she eventually made it there she took a deep breath and calmed down. “When I got into the ballroom I laughed because I was surrounded by girls in much shorter dresses than me, albeit they were shorter, and therefore stood out less in the crowd, but it was still frustrating,” she recalled. Things looked up, but there were about to go downhill.
A Sigh Of Relief
Something Was Off
Clare and her boyfriend made their way to the dance floor with buzzing excitement. But there was a different feeling in the hall, different from previous years. It was a little strange that there were so many chaperones and fathers at the event. Even more so, the men seemed to be ogling the dancing girls from the balcony. The discomfort seemed to be growing with each passing second.
Something Was Off
Feeling Uncomfortable
A blog post from after the dance really put Clare’s feelings into words: “I felt violated by the sheer number of male parents that were assigned to do nothing for five hours other than watch girls in short dresses and heels dance to upbeat music,” she went on, “I think that it is sick and wrong that they assigned them to sit on a balcony above us and look down on us and single us out for our clothes or dancing.”
Feeling Uncomfortable
Trouble
Despite the growing discomfort in the room, the couple decided to keep dancing and forget their surroundings, after all this was their special night. Then, out of the corner of their eyes, they saw a woman charging towards them, and she did not seem to be pleased.
Trouble
Telling Her Off
Before Clare knew what was going on, Mrs. Duncan had ordered her into a corner, along with the teacher was a parent. Clare shared her feelings of that moment, “She took me into a corner in the hallway, with another woman – who I’m assuming was a parent chaperone – and told me that some of the dads who were chaperoning had complained that my dancing was too provocative and that I was going to cause the young men at the prom to think impure thoughts.” But there was a real question that seemed to be on her mind, were the impure thoughts in the minds of the boys, or the fathers on the balcony?
Telling Her Off
Double Standards
It baffled and agitated Clare that she was being accused of creating “impure thoughts” in the minds of the males at the school prom. Why was she the bad guy? She was following the rules, even she was treading on thin ice. But Clare was not about to let herself become a victim.
Double Standards
Not Seeing Eye To Eye
Clare was reaching her boiling point and she was having a hard time remaining calm. She said to Mrs. Duncan that her dress was appropriate and that she hadn’t even enjoyed dancing at her own prom. Clare claimed, “I never signed any documentation agreeing to adhere to any sort of dress code, and the dress code that was verbally communicated to me was followed to the letter.” As soon as Clare’s friends started to gather around, the teacher ordered them away. That was when her boyfriend felt the need to intervene.
Not Seeing Eye To Eye
Getting Refunds
Her boyfriend, James, said to the teacher and parent, “That’s fine, she wasn’t doing anything wrong but if you’re kicking her out then the group that she came with is leaving too and you’ll need to refund all of our tickets.” In a sort of boycott manner, their friends were also not pleased with the mistreatment of their friend and demanded a $25 refund. For Clare however, a refund wasn’t enough. She had been humiliated and victimized.
Getting Refunds
Negotiations Fail
There were all sorts of negotiation attempts, but eventually it was Mrs. Duncan who started to repeat her script of, “I will not debate with you about this!” James came back to try calm things down, but he realized that there was no hope. He went to bring a chaperone to intervene.
Negotiations Fail
Kicked Out
Mrs. Duncan used her authority and summoned a security guard to escort the girl from the building. It was all of 5 minutes, but the ordeal would leave a scar in her prom night for her whole life. The security guard who walked her off the premises was asked by Clare what he thought about the situation: “I asked the security guy if my dress was compliant with the dress code and if he had noticed any inappropriateness in my behavior and he said he didn’t think I did anything to get kicked out but it wasn’t his call.”
Kicked Out
Not Her Responsibility
Following the incident, Clare wrote, “I have long legs and I was wearing a sparkly dress, I didn’t look like most of the 13-15-year-old girls there, I looked like a woman. I am so tired of people who abuse their power to make women feel violated and ashamed.” “I was told that the way I dressed and moved my body was causing men to think inappropriately about me, implying that it is my responsibility to control other people’s thoughts and drives.”
Not Her Responsibility
Nowehere To Go
When they were booted out of their very own prom, Clare was burning with pain and anger. “We walked out of the prom, frustrated and angry and feeling very disrespected and violated,” Clare lamented. She needed to share this story with others.
Nowhere To Go,
Social Media
She took to Facebook to share the disturbing episode that took place at her high school prom. When people read of the incident, they visited Richmond Homeschool Prom’s Facebook page and not with class. Facebook users expressed they criticism and disapproval of the event that place that night. The school’s administration made it their job to quickly erase the negative comments from their page.
Social Media
Taking Sides
Clare still didn’t feel at peace with what happened. She posted on her blog, “The whole situation made me feel violated, walked over, and ostracized. How is it that what I look like and how I dress constitutes the level of respect you give me?” But what did Mrs. Duncan have to say about all of this?
Taking Sides
Big Claims
“Chris-tian Monster”, who has his own YouTube channel, made a video unpacking his feelings about the situation that night. He called the dads at the prom “pedophiles” and claimed that instead of Clare and her friends being kicked out, he says the dads should have been sent packing.
Big Claims
Her Story
In an interview with WTVR, Mrs. Duncan said, “It was right below her butt cheeks by the time I saw her,” referring to her dress. Answering to Clare’s claim of the men staring her down, she pointed out that there were 500 kids at the event, “So to be able to even say what they were looking at would be really difficult.” This only enraged the teenager and her boyfriend, so they made a video to argue against their teacher.
Her Story
Standing Up
In the video, she said, “I was informed by more than one friend who stayed at the prom throughout the course of the evening that there was some truly dirty dancing, and that there were several couples making out and grinding on the dance floor, and yet out of a group of 500 people, only one person, (me) got thrown out for inappropriate dancing.” A different student by the name of Callie Hobbs had something to add about the situation. She said that Clare had been “grinding” on the dance floor, but on the whole she believed both parties could have dealt with the situation better.
Standing Up
Making A Point
Clare wished to make it clear what happened that night, she said, “When the lady kicked me out, they said the dads had complained about my dancing and that meant that they had to have been watching me.” Because Clare looked older than she was, he physique made her feel targeted. “This is a message to girls built like me, who can’t find jeans that fit!” Clare expressed, “The girls with long legs, who are forced to prove that their dresses fit the dress code, just because they have more leg showing than most girls.”
Making A Point
Making Her Point
“This is a message to the women who understand that sometimes it doesn’t matter how much you pin a dress, you’re still going to have cleavage show when you bend over,” Clare said. “Enough with the slut shaming,” Clare went on. “I’m not responsible for some perverted 45 years old dad lusting after me because I have a sparkly dress on. And if you think I am, then maybe you’re part of the problem.”
Making Her Point
Fighting Back
The issue regarding the refund also wasn’t resolved. Clare said, “We were verbally promised a full refund for our group, we received only a refund for my ticket, they need to refund 5 more tickets for our group.” Aside from the refund, Clare and James believe that when it comes to checking students’ dresses, things should be different.
Fighting Back
Social Support
Of course this story has made many people wonder about what really happened that night. There are those that have taken the student’s side, and there are those that have supported the school. But what is most interesting, and maybe strange, is that the school has not formally made a comment about the events of that night.
Social Support
The Road Ahead
Clare’s prom night nightmare has made everyone think. Could either party have acted differently to have improved the situation? Is it fair that young girls are scrutinized in this manner? While we have questions and opinions about this all, maybe we should take a look again at the reason we have a prom at all. Maybe then we’ll have some answers to give out.
The Road Ahead
Not The Last Time
After this major event surrounding Clare’s questionable prom dress, everyone thought the drama was over. But that drama followed another girl on the night of her prom, and that girl’s name is Keziah Daum. Her dress brought her a lot of attention… for better and for worse.
Not The Last Time
Meet Keziah
Meet Keziah Daum, a fresh-faced 18-year-old from Utah in the United States. Keziah is an aspiring singer, songwriter, proud millennial and senior at high school. Before April 2018, you probably wouldn’t have known her name, and neither would we. For Keziah, she probably wouldn’t have imagined that her senior prom night would spark so much attention from around the world…
Meet Keziah
Getting Prom-Ready
In April 2018, just like most of her best friends at school, the biggest thing on Keziah’s mind was being prom-ready and finding the perfect dress for the occasion. Since Keziah was a senior at Woods Cross High School, the prom was a big deal. It was fast approaching, so Keziah searched far and wide for the most eye-catching, super elegant, prom-appropriate, statement dress she could find…
Getting Prom Ready
A Vintage Find
For Keziah, the dress had to be special, something unique, something creative that would make her stand out on the night. So Keziah browsed the usual outlets, but eventually she found a vintage store in downtown salt Lake called Decades. After rifling through the shelves, she finally spotted The Dress! It was perfect…a rare, elegant and Chinese-embroidered dress that would be picture-worthy on the night…
A Vintage Find
Tweeting Out Loud
As the day finally approached, Keziah ensured she was ready for the prom, with picture-perfect hair, makeup on fleek and that eye-catching dress. When she arrived at prom, she had a night to remember. But no event would be complete without some tweet-worthy snaps! So, she posed with her beau, took some closeups and group pics. Being a millennial, Keziah couldn’t wait to tweet a picture collage of the PROM!
Tweeting Out Loud
That Tweet
When Keziah tweeted about the prom on the Friday night, she hoped that her friends would like and maybe even retweet her post. Little did she know what was going to happen next… Well, the original tweet almost broke the internet! It attracted hundreds of thousands of likes, thousands of retweets, and thousands of comments. In fact, that tweet went viral, and managed to spark a fully-blown world-wide debate!
That Tweet
The Internet Freaks Out
If you’re wondering why that tweet went viral and sparked such a backlash, here’s a quick run-down. Keziah is an 18-year-old white woman, with no Chinese roots. However, she wore a traditional Chinese dress, known as a qipao, or cheongsam. Since Keziah is not Chinese, some argued that she was culturally appropriating Chinese culture. In the blink of an eye, Keziah was under fire, and part of heated, global debate about cultural appropriation!
The Internet Freaks Out
My Culture Is Not Your Prom Dress
One of the fiercest critics on twitter was Jeremy Lam, who famously retweeted Keziah’s post with the caption: “My culture is not your … prom dress.” That one tweet sparked a further debate in itself, with around 14,000 retweets, nearly 180,000 likes and over 60,000 people talking about it!
My Culture Is Not Your Prom Dress
What That Dress Symbolized
The tweet didn’t end there… Jeremy Lam used the platform to explain why he was so enraged. In fact, the qipao began as a formless gown and over time evolved into into a symbol of female empowerment. Lam explained “In a time where Asian women were silenced they were able to create not only a piece of art but a symbol of activism…This piece of clothing embraced femininity, confidence and gender equality through its beautiful, eye-catching appearance”.
What That Dress Symbolized
More Than Just A Fashion Statement
By the early 1900s, the qipao dress had become so much more than a fashion statement. The dress also symbolized a silent protest to promote gender equality. Lam explained how “the style was then spread throughout Asia as a beautiful garment and sign of women’s liberation. I’m proud of my culture, including the extreme barriers marginalized people within that culture have had to overcome those obstacles.”
More Than Just A Fashion Statement
American Colonialism?
So, was wearing the dress offensive? Was it racist? Well according to Lam, wearing the dress was an example of cultural appropriation and American colonialism. Since the dress was worn by a white American to an American prom, it became a subject of “American consumerism and to cater to a white audience is parallel to colonial ideology.”
American Colonialism
What is Cultural Appropriation again?
In case you need to get up to speed with the term cultural appropriation, here’s a quick recap. It’s when the dominant culture adopts certain elements of a minority culture. In this case a white privileged American adopted some elements of the minority Chinese culture, which some see as an example of American colonialism. Got it?
What Is Cultural Appropriation Again
Casual Racism?
Another offended Twitter user, Kate added some casual fuel to the fire with the loaded comment, “Was the theme of prom casual racism?”
Casual Racism
Sticking To Her Guns
When Keziah Daum realized her post had sparked a fully-fledged international debate, her initial reaction was to stick to her guns and stand by her decision. She didn’t even succumb to pressure to delete the original post. In fact, the story received so much publicity that Keziah defended herself to news outlets around the world. Keziah even told the South China Morning Post that the dress projected a “wonderful message”.
Sticking To Her Guns
This Isn’t Ok
As the dress-debacle reached fever pitch, other Twitter users couldn’t hold back their opinions. One user Jeannie tweeted how: “This isn’t OK. I wouldn’t wear traditional Korean, Japanese or any other traditional dress and I’m Asian,” another user wrote. “There’s a lot of history behind these clothes. Sad.”
This Isnt Ok
Keziah Was Unaware Of The History Behind The Dress
Keziah went on to clarify that before buying the embroidered red, gold and black dress from a vintage shop in Salt Lake City, she was blissfully unaware of the dress’ history. Instead she explained that “simply found a beautiful, modest gown and chose to wear it”.
Keziah Was Unaware Of The History Behind The Dress1
The Rich History Of Qipao
There’s more than meets the eye with the qipao dress, which is steeped in history, rich culture and symbolism. The style was traditionally worn by the Manchu women during the Qing dynasty from 1644. By the 1900s the dress symbolized a silent protest to promote gender equalities. In the 1920s the modern version with a tighter fit became popular in Shanghai, and a fashionable choice for socialites and upper classes. By the 1950s the dress was associated with bourgeois classes during the anti-tradition movements.
The Rich History Of Qipao
Traditional Chinese Culture
In recent times the qipao dress has become a popular symbol of traditional Chinese culture, and an embodiment of what it’s like to be ethnically Chinese. China’s first lady, Peng Liyuan, the wife of President Xi Jinping, recently made a statement by wearing the qipao on visits abroad.
Traditional Chinese Culture
A Message Of Female Empowerment
In response to the backlash about the history and symbolism behind the dress, Keziah defended her case to the SCMP, “One person commented it represented female empowerment…If that is the case, then it is a wonderful message for any young woman my age to learn, regardless of culture and background.”
A Message Of Female Empowerment
Just Following The Prom’s Rules
Keziah stuck to her guns and defended how another reason she bought the elegant dress was because it followed the prom’s rules of modesty. Daum revealed her struggle to find a dress with an “appropriate” neckline. She eventually settled on the embroidered quipao dress as it “showed beauty in other ways than revealing” her body.
Just Following The Prom’s Rules
A Friendly Tweet That Went Viral
While some teens dream of posting a viral-worthy tweet, Keziah insisted that she simply “posted photos for my friends to see. I never imagined it would go so far.” It seems the internet had other ideas…
A Friendly Tweet That Went Viral
I’m Sorry If You’re Offended
While Keziah was determined to protest her decision, she did add that she was “sorry if anyone was offended. That was never my intention.” She added how she really was “grateful I was able to wear such a beautiful dress.”
Sorry Youre Offended
She Would Wear It All Over Again
The prom student kept the prom post up on her twitter account and explained to the The Daily Wire that if she had to do it over, she’d wear it again. Keziah also tweeted how she loves and appreciates “diversity other cultures” and means no hate.
She Would Wear It All Over Again
Snoop Adds His Shizzle
Whilst the tweet managed to spark a heated debate, the internet is still the internet and many saw the humorous side. The post soon became a viral meme and everyone, stars included, jumped on the prom scandal bandwagon. Even Snoop Dogg added his hilarious take on the issue. It does remind us though that there is a fine line to be discussed. When is a a dress is just a fashion choice and when is it cultural appropriation?
Snoop Adds His Shizzle
Not Offensive In China
While the dress divided the world, much of the fierce opposition came from mainland America. Surprisingly, many of those commenting in mainland China were less opposed to Daum’s dress, and even had words of encouragement.
Not Offensive In China
Im Asian And I’m Not Insulted
While many internet users freaked out about the cultural appropriation of Asian traditions, not all Asian people were so offended. This twitter user, Gina reminded us that “I’m Asian and I’m not insulted in any way. You Look beautiful.”
Im Asian And Im Not Insulted
It’s Not Cultural Theft
As Keziah supporters flooded the internet, one tweeted how “there’s a difference between cultural appropriation & cultural appreciation…I’m Chinese and I didn’t take issue.” Another posted how “it is not cultural theft…It is cultural appreciation and cultural respect.”
Its Not Cultural Theft
Culture Has No Borders
Keziah won much support on the Social Media platform Weibo, with many reminding us that Keziah looked beautiful and criticised those who were offended about the dress. One posted how “Culture has no borders. There is no problem, as long as there is no malice or deliberate maligning. Chinese cultural treasures are worth spreading all over the world.”
Culture Has No Borders
A Dress Is Still A Dress
Well that prom dress tweet escalated a little! Whatever your opinions on cultural appropriation, we think Keziah still looked beautiful in her dress. It’s important to have opinions in life and we support that. It’s also important to sometimes relax and see the lighter side of like. Like Kid Rock does…after all, sometime a dress is still as dress…
A Dress Is Still A Dress